Empaths and Codependents

Codependent relationships are unhealthy and toxic relationships. For the empaths out there, you are a magnet for narcissists as they have zero empathy therefore they are dependent upon it from you. Be prepared to get nothing back. Empathy is necessary for sensitivity to others’ feelings and compassion.

Empaths are highly sensitive, finely tuned instruments when it comes to emotions. They feel everything, sometimes to an extreme, and are less apt to intellectualize feelings. Intuition is the filter through which they experience the world. Empaths are naturally giving, spiritually attuned, and good listeners. If you want heart, empaths have got it. Through thick and thin, they’re there for you, world-class nurturers.

Codependents

Characteristics of Codependent People Are:

An exaggerated sense of responsibility for the actions of others
A tendency to confuse love and pity, with the tendency to “love” people they can pity and rescue
A tendency to do more than their share, all of the time
A tendency to become hurt when people don’t recognize their efforts
An unhealthy dependence on relationships. The co-dependent will do anything to hold on to a relationship; to avoid the feeling of abandonment
An extreme need for approval and recognition
A sense of guilt when asserting themselves
A compelling need to control others
Lack of trust in self and/or others
Fear of being abandoned or alone
Difficulty identifying feelings
Rigidity/difficulty adjusting to change
Problems with intimacy/boundaries
Chronic anger
Lying/dishonesty
Poor communications
Difficulty making decisions

Empaths

10 Traits of an Empath

Empaths are highly sensitive. Empaths are naturally giving, spiritually open, and good listeners. If you want heart, empaths have got it. Through thick and thin, they’re there for you, world-class nurturers. But they can easily have their feelings hurt. Empaths are often told that they are “too sensitive” and need to toughen up.
Empaths absorb other people’s emotions. Empaths are highly attuned to other people’s moods, good and bad. They feel everything, sometimes to an extreme. They take on negativity such as anger or anxiety which is exhausting. If they are around peace and love, their bodies take these on and flourish.
Many empaths are introverted. Empaths become overwhelmed in crowds, which can amplify their empathy. They tend to be introverted and prefer one to one contact or small groups. Even if an empath is more extroverted they prefer limiting how much time they can be in a crowd or at a party.
Empaths are highly intuitive. Empaths experience the world through their intuition. It is important for them to develop their intuition and listen to their gut feelings about people. This will help empaths find positive relationships and avoid energy vampires. Read Five Steps to Develop Your Intuition to learn more.
Empaths need alone time. As super-responders, being around people can drain an empath so they periodically need alone time to recharge their batteries. Even a brief escape prevents emotionally overload. Empaths like to take their own cars when they go places so they can leave when they please.
Empaths can become overwhelmed in intimate relationships. Too much togetherness can be difficult for an empath so they may avoid intimate relationships. Deep down they are afraid of being engulfed and losing their identity. For empaths to be at ease in a relationship, the traditional paradigm for being a couple must be re-defined. For strategies see my article Relationship Tips for Sensitive People.
Empaths are targets for energy vampires. An empath’s sensitivity makes them particularly easy marks for energy vampires, whose fear or rage can sap their energy and peace of mind. Vampires do more than drain an empath’s physical energy. The especially dangerous ones such as narcissists (they lack empathy and are only concerned with themselves) can make them believe they’re unworthy and unlovable. Other vampires include The Victim, The Chronic Talker, The Drama Queen and more. To help you deal with the drainers in your life read 4 Strategies to Survive Emotional Vampires.
Empaths become replenished in nature. The busyness of ever day life can be too much for an empath. The natural world nourishes and restores them. It helps them to release their burdens and they take refuge in the presence of green wild things, the ocean or other bodies of water.
Empaths have highly tuned senses. An empath’s nerves can get frayed by noise, smells, or excessive talking.
Empaths have huge hearts but sometimes give too much. Empaths are big-hearted people and try to relieve the pain of others. A homeless person holding a cardboard sign, “I’m hungry” at a busy intersection; a hurt child; a distraught friend. It’s natural to want to reach out to them, ease their pain. But empaths don’t stop there. Instead, they take it on. Suddenly they’re the one feeling drained or upset when they felt fine before.

Adapted from Dr. Judith Orloff’s book The Empath’s Survival Guide: Life Strategies for Sensitive People (Sounds True, 2017)

Breaking up with Codepency - Get Comfortable Being Uncomfortable / Lisa A. Romano. Codependency recovery implies we are NOT living from the true self. When we are codependent we are ATTACHED to other people, what people think, what they need, and to ideas. When we break up with codependency we must face letting go of our controlling ways and learn to be comfortable with being uncomfortable.
Codependent No More (book) / Melody Beattie. The healing touchstone of millions, this modern classic by one of America's best-loved and most inspirational authors holds the key to understanding codependency and to unlocking its stultifying hold on your life.
Codependents Live in a State of Reactivity / Lisa A. Romano. If you overreact, over-emotional, and you are codependent, it is not your fault. Learn what you need to know to heal over-reactivity so you can heal codependency in your relationships. Learning how to stop being overreactive takes time because subconscious programs corrupt our ability to love the self.
Empath: A Comprehensive Guide for Highly Sensitive People (book) / Judith Goleman. You may be wondering if you are an empath or if your partner or child is, and you are hoping to find ways to help them. Alternatively, you may already know that you are an empath and just want to dig deeper to find ways how to deal with being such or how to take advantage of your gift.
Empaths and Highly Sensitive People / Stephanie Lyn Coaching.
Empaths and Narcissists: Why They Attract Each Other & Relationship Tips for Empaths / Lisa A. Romano. Empaths and narcissists tend to attract each other and with good reason. Empaths are natural nurturing souls who want to help heal the world with their awesome energy. Narcissists NEED the energy of the empath to survive because they cannot generate their own energetic power supply.
Ending Narcissistic Relationships / Lisa A. Romano. Codependency is all about obsessive worry over others. Codependency implies we obsess over the needs of others. People pleasing becomes a way of life rooted in rumination over the need, wants and desires of others.
Going No Contact - Empaths and Codependents Need Boundaries / Lisa A. Romano. Are you feeling overwhelmed by dysfunctional family members? Do you feel invalidated by the people you love? Are you unsure if the people you love are able to love you? Do you need to go no contact with a narcissist or narcissistic family?
How Empaths Use (and Narcissists Abuse) The Five Love Languages (article) / Shweta Advani. People generally think that their partner has the same love language as them and they show love the same way they would like to receive it. However, this dynamic can turn really messy in case of an Empaths – Narcissist relationship.
How To Stop Seeking Validation From Others / Melanie Tonia Evans. We have all grown up in a world of trying to feel whole from the outside in, rather than knowing how to generate our self-fullness from the inside out. Yet, being freed from needing validation or approval from someone, in order to feel whole within ourselves, is one of the most empowering steps we can take toward living the life of our dreams.
Tim Fletcher's Talk on Codependency 1 (series) / FindingFreedomMedia.