Narcissists / Toxic Romantic Relationships

When you have to Google someone's bad behavior to figure out what's going on, that's a problem! Once I did, I realized this person was a full blown Covert Narcissist. I was with him for only a few months yet it felt like an eternity. With this emotionally abusive man, I was robbed of all of my energy and self esteem yet I took the abuse because I "understood" and "cared" so much that it robbed me of my sense of self. Although horribly painful, I am grateful for the experience because I realized I was basically dating my mother and was used to the abuse and have vowed to never go through such trauma ever again. 
"If a relationship is built on love, it nurtures, restores, replenishes, and revives. It doesn't diminish. It isn't cruel and it doesn't ever violate a warm, open heart. Everything you need to be happy is in you." ~heysigmund.com
  • ​​5 Keys to Surviving a Narcissist / Derrick Jaxn. 
  • 8 Reasons the Narcissist will Dump You / RC Blakes. In this session Reverend Blakes discusses eight key reasons why the narcissist will discard of his victim first. Very eye opening as all were spot on after my final discard.
  • 15 Signs of a Toxic Relationship (article) / heysigmund.com. Toxic relationships will cause monumental breakage to people, families and workplaces, but they aren’t necessarily the territory of the weak, downtrodden or insecure. Strong, healthy, independent people can find themselves in the white-knuckled grip of a toxic relationship. 
  • Breakups Don't Have to Leave you Broken / Gary Lewandowski /TedXNavesink. Dr. Gary Lewandowski, Jr., professor of psychology at Monmouth University, makes the case that if your relationship doesn’t help you become a better person, ending it does. Leaving a bad relationship provides an opportunity for growth and learning.
  • Broke People Break People / Ace Metaphor. This is definitely one of my favorites...a bit raw...but so spot on.
  • Can A Narcissist Change? Here is What Has to Happen / SurvivingNarcissism.com. Often the answer is no, it's not going to happen. But sometimes conviction comes upon that person and change is possible, though not easy. Psychotherapist Dr. Les Carter outlines what needs to happen if a narcissist decides that he or she is ready for a better path in life.
  • Divorcing and Healing from a Narcissist - Emotional and Narcissist Abuse Recovery (book) / Dr. Theresa Covert. A life changing book for anyone trapped in an unhealthy marriage or relationship. Divorce isn't such a tragedy. A tragedy is staying in an unhappy marriage or relationship and teaching your children the wrong things about love. Nobody ever died from a divorce or breakup.
  • *Don't Trust His Words. Don't Trust His Actions. TRUST HIS PATTERNS! / Derrick Jaxn. This is the golden key to unlock the vault of suffering. Not only look for his pattern, look at your pattern in selecting men. You'll find out that all your failed relationships are a like. The reason we miss the red flags is because we as codependents believe we can abracadabra the man into what we want them to be, therefore we don't want to see the flags. Hell it can be a blazing fire but we get so caught up in the illusion (fantasy) of what it could be in our head we dont even notice.
  • Ending Narcissistic Relationships & Overthinking / Lisa A. Romano. A narcissist is someone who wants you to worry about what you think about them. The codependent narcissist relationship is exhausting. When you learn to gain control over obsessive thoughts and worries about others, we must learn to become comfortable with becoming uncomfortable. Learning to love yourself means we must gain control over our obsessive need to cater to the needs of others.
  • Fantasy Bond: Loving the Person You Hope They'll Become / Vivian McGrath. One of the hardest things about leaving an abusive relationship was grieving the loss of the fantasy relationship I had in my head. The perfect man I thought my ex would one day become. It took a lot to finally admit to myself - I'd been waiting and hoping for man who didn't exist.
  • Grieving Fantasy Bonds and Fantasy Relationships / Alan Robarge. On this video, Alan Robarge, Relationship Coach, talks about fantasy bonds and fantasy relationships. The origin for both comes from our mind’s ability to internalize relationships, which means we are in relationship with the idea of the relationship.
  • ​H. G. Tudor - Reflections from an actual narcissist on how to learn exactly what they do and how to stay away.
  • He's Not Going to Change - Wake Up! / Alan Robarge. On this video, Alan Robarge, Relationship Coach and Psychotherapist, shares directly something many of us need to hear from time to time, "He's not changing." This is not gender specific.
  • How to Get Over an Ex and Move On / Lisa A. Romano. If you want to attract a loving relationship, be prepared for the unhealthy one you have now to fall apart. ​
  • How to Handle a Narcissist, Sociopath or Psychopath with Dr Ramani Durvasula / Health Hackers. In this episode, psychologist and author of ‘Should I Stay or Should I Go: Surviving a Narcissistic Relationship,’ Dr. Ramani Durvasula, discusses: -how to spot a narcissist -what to do if you are in a relationship with one -the reason a narcissist cheats -the difference between a narcissist, sociopath and psychopath and more.
  • ​How to Identify a Toxic Man / Stephanie Lyn Coaching. 
  • How to Know Your Relationship is Wrong / Trent Shelton.
  • Identity Theft — When the Narcissist or Psychopath Mirrors You / Inner Integration with Meredith Miller.  The pathology of the emotional manipulator's tendency is to imitate other people. Both the act of imitating the target but also the tendency to steal and copy your ideas are the driving force of pathological envy. 
  • ​Kiss it Goodbye / Joel Osteen. In this message, Joel encourages you to let go of the old hurts, disappointments, and failures.
  • Love After Narcissistic Abuse – The Right Time To Start Dating Again / Melanie Tonia Evans. After narcissistic abuse, naturally, you may feel terrified about putting yourself out there – and why wouldn’t you? There is no way KNOWN any of us ever want to run the risk of being with another narcissist.
  • Narcissists Grooming Victim Tools/Love Bombing leads to Trauma Bonds / Lisa A. Romano. Narcissists groom their victims through a series of manipulative tactics. Love bombing is a narcissists grooming tool which eventually leads to forming trauma bonds. Trauma bonds make it extremely difficult to leave a narcissistic relationship. Trauma bonds are a biological attachments to the narcissistic person.
  • Narcissist Mirroring / Vivian McGrath. Narcissist mirroring is so manipulative they fool you into loving them. They study you, then put on the perfect mask that mirrors your desires and dreams. They become the fantasy partner, but it's YOU you've fallen in love with!
  • Never Settle When it Comes to Your Happiness / Ace Metaphor. This one especially hit home. DO NOT settle for anything or anyone ever just to avoid being alone. 
  • No Contact with Narcissists and Toxic People / RoyalWe. NO CONTACT is important. This may take weeks, months or even years. The longer you live in this place of ABUSE, you become the one who stirs up conflict... Going “no contact” is showing that you will not have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments anymore.
  • Overt vs. Covert Narcissists / Inner Integration with Meredith Miller. People often ask about the differences between different types of narcissists. In this video Meredith compares the overt narcissist with the covert narcissist. You'll find out what each archetype is like, how they do love-bombing and devaluation, how they hoover, how they (do not) apologize and how they do the smear campaign.
  • Parenting with a Toxic Partner (book) / Renee Swanson. Do you worry for their physical safety? Emotional safety? Mental and psychological safety? Do your kids hide when the other parent is around? Are they afraid of that parent? Have you watched in horror as your child’s feelings are trampled into the ground? Have you felt that biting pain that you are losing your own child to anger, depression, and fear? Have you stood helpless and hopeless, all alone with nowhere to turn? You are NOT alone!! It is time to fight for your kids. 
  • Psychopath Free (book) / Jackson MacKenzie. From the author of Whole Again comes a significantly expanded edition of Psychopath Free containing new chapters, updated content, and real survivor experiences that will help you recover from emotionally abusive relationships with narcissists, sociopaths, and other toxic people. 
  • Real Narcissists - The Early Warning Signs / Dr. Craig Malkin. In this video, Dr. Malkin explains what drives extreme narcissism and the telling ways that are always present in narcissists, whether they're quiet and self-effacing or loud and insulting.
  • Rethinking Narcissism - The Secret to Recognizing and Coping with Narcissists (book) / Dr. Craig Malkin. When most of us hear the word narcissism or narcissist, we envision vain, preening, braggarts who can’t stop talking about themselves. But most of the time, we’ve got it wrong; many narcissists aren’t driven by looks,fame, or money—some may even be shy or soft spoken. The startling truth is we’ve been distracted by an empty stereotype that blinds us to far more reliable signs of danger—and an entire generation is suffering because of it.  
  • Signs that He's a Narcissist / Derrick Jaxn. DJ and this post is one of my favorite because it is brief. To the point. And it's a no-holds barred approach to saying it like it is.
  • Stockholm Syndrome AKA Trauma Bonding In Narcissistic Abuse / Inner Integration with Meredith Miller. This video explains the 4 criteria that create Stockholm Syndrome (trauma bonding) and how this applies to narcissistic abuse. It explains why it's so hard to leave and break free from the abuser and the denial even when you're aware of what's happening. 
  • The Covert Passive-Aggressive Narcissist: Recognizing the Traits and Finding Healing After Hidden Emotional and Psychological Abuse / Debbie Mizra. This is one of the most comprehensive and helpful book on the topic of covert narcissism. This type of narcissism is one of the most damaging forms because the abuse is so hidden and so insidious. You can be in a relationship that can last for decades and not realize you are being psychologically and emotionally controlled, manipulated, and abused.
  • The Truth about Narcissism / Ace Metaphor. From one of the comments, this couldn't be more true: "My heart aches for anyone who has crashed head-on with a narcissist. It's painful and it seems as though you'll never see the light at the end of the tunnel. Love is beautiful but remember, Love is never suppose to hurt you physically nor emotionally to where it's abusing your soul." ~T.G.
  • The Undercover Narcissist - Covert Narcissists / RC Blakes. 
  • These Are The Signs You're Dating A Narcissist / DoctorRamani. 
  • Toxic Relationships: How to Let Go When it is UNHAPPILY Ever After / heysigmund.com. We fall in love, we commit, we get hurt – over and over – and we stay.  People need people, but sometimes the cost is a heavy one. When it’s a toxic relationship, the breakage can be far-reaching. LET GO OF THE FANTASY!
  • Understanding Ad-Hominem Mind Game Arguments Involving Narcissists / EmpathPlanet.com. "I have lost hours, days, possibly even months of my life that I will never get back due to having conversations with narcissists that end with a mindf*ck. Every time this has happened I’ve noticed how my energy is drained, my blood has to pump harder to replace the leak and my brain spins and hurts."
  • What makes the COVERT Narcissist So Dangerous! How to Spot One and Protect Yourself! / Stephanie Lyn Coaching
  • When He Says, "You're Too Good for Me" / Derrick Jaxn. This is one of the funniest I've seen but so very true! Believe him when he tells you you're too good for him because...YOU ARE! Best believe this is probably the only honest thing he will ever say to you.
  • When He Shows You Who They Are - SHOW THEM THE DOOR! / Derrick Jaxn. Don't think you are going to be able to motivate him to change. He won't.
  • When You Unmask a Covert Narcissist, RUN, But Quietly! / Ross Rosenberg. With almost 1.6 million views, this is a must see. Ross explains the very complicated and dangerous undertaking of protecting yourself when you uncover/unmask a covert narcissist and the dysfunctional relationship they trick you into. Because of their manipulative nature and the fact that they are often respected and even adored by others, taking them on directly is big mistake.​
  • Why Do We Become Obsessed with the Narcissist After They’ve Discarded Us? / Ali Zeck. Because you feel like you’ve been abandoned by a parent, that’s how deep the wound is that needs healing in you, and you are essentially a wounded child wandering the earth looking for someone to love you.
  • Why is it Always About You?: The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism / Sandy Hotchkiss and James F. Masterson, M.S. 
  • You Can Thrive After Narcissistic Abuse: The #1 System for Recovering from Toxic Relationships (book) / Melanie Tonia Evans. Narcissistic abuse was originally defined as a specific form of emotional abuse of children by narcissistic parents, but more recently, the term has been applied more broadly to refer to any abuse by a narcissist, in particular adult-to-adult relationships the abuse may be mental, physical, financial, spiritual or sexual.